I feel like failure is such an awkward thing to talk about; no one ever really wants to admit they've failed, it's pretty embarrassing But I think for me personally, failure stems from setting such high expectations for myself. I divide my life into different aspects, such as being the "perfect daughter" or being the "best friend I can possibly be," and when I don't live up to my expectations in those categories, I feel like I've failed.
It seems stupid to do such a thing, but it's something I've done almost my entire life. My parents have always raised me telling me that I can achieve anything because I'm worth it, and from that I created these high expectations in myself because if everyone around me believes I can achieve it, with the exception of myself at times, then why not shoot for the moon?
For example, I try to be "the perfect student" by working hard, studying and getting good grades. Now obviously, nobody's perfect, but I still set expectations for myself to be the best I can possibly be. Until I get a big fat 70% on my last math test, then I feel like I've failed. And in reality, I didn't fail, but to myself I did.
Or even when I try to be the "perfect daughter" to try and please my parents. But when my mom or dad gets frustrated with me for getting engrossed in a film instead of emptying the dishwasher, I feel like I've failed them for not just doing what I'm told and instead doing what I wanted to do.
It's actually really exhausting and quite annoying doing this, but I don't think I'll ever stop living my life this way. Although it does bring about a lot of unneeded stress and can make me feel a little bad about myself sometimes, in reality it helps me stay on top of things and keeps the momentum going for me to work harder.
But the key factor that I think everyone, including myself, needs to keep in mind is that there is no such thing as being perfect. Everyone is human, everyone makes stupid choices and experiences failure and regret. However, regrets are only mistakes you don't learn from.
Or even when I try to be the "perfect daughter" to try and please my parents. But when my mom or dad gets frustrated with me for getting engrossed in a film instead of emptying the dishwasher, I feel like I've failed them for not just doing what I'm told and instead doing what I wanted to do.
It's actually really exhausting and quite annoying doing this, but I don't think I'll ever stop living my life this way. Although it does bring about a lot of unneeded stress and can make me feel a little bad about myself sometimes, in reality it helps me stay on top of things and keeps the momentum going for me to work harder.
But the key factor that I think everyone, including myself, needs to keep in mind is that there is no such thing as being perfect. Everyone is human, everyone makes stupid choices and experiences failure and regret. However, regrets are only mistakes you don't learn from.
I guess its cheesy to say omg but... omg i know what you mean aboug your parents getting on you. some days its like non stop doing stuff so you sit down to watch some tv for a few minutes and you parents walk in and start with "what are you doing?! theres chores and you need to sweep the moon while rotating jupiter!" And grades, they are evil! It feels awful to get back a test with a poor grade especially when you really studied hard.
ReplyDeleteI looooooove that last sentence. I'm not sure if you made it up or if you just heard it somewhere and repeated it but it's perfect :) And completely accurate. People spend so much time and energy engrossed in things that in the grand scheme of things, really don't matter much, and regret is the fuel for the fire that is self-doubt. Everyone just needs to remember that while no one is perfect, no one is a failure either, no matter how surprising or damaging the outcome of your decision is. That's the great thing about people! We tend to love and forgive even when we think we shouldn't. But why not?
ReplyDeleteI believe that what you're experiencing is also the experience of almost every other teenager, or maybe just me because I feel the same way. And way to end with a profound concluding sentence...
ReplyDeletethat last sentence.... pure perfection my friend. Truly brilliant.
ReplyDeleteI feel like a lot of failure happens when we are trying to please other people. But as you said, we forgive. I love your voice in this piece!
ReplyDeleteI think that the idea of trying to be "perfect" for other people never works because nobody is perfect. On the other hand I think setting goals for yourself motivates you to get what you want out of life. I think people just have to remember that those goals may not always be met. Setting these goals shows though that you were invested and cared which means you didn't really fail at all.
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